Page 94 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

94 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

The spotlight is the nature of a life in ministry. Ministers’ children are
expected to reflect all the values and behaviors the minister teaches to others.
These standards can be ridiculously high, but the congregation still expects to
look through the glass walls of the minister’s home and see perfection lived out
by all who live within. Then, there are parents in the ministry who communicate
that perfection is the standard since the actions of each child reflect on mom and
dad’s parenting skills.
Ministers’ children feel left out of things school friends enjoy. Their
curfew on Saturday night is often more restrictive because the following day
is their parents’ big day. When they misbehave, people point out that they are
the minister’s children. Few young people will hear others in the community
whisper, “You know, his dad is a plumber,” or “Can you believe that she is the
daughter of the manager of the store!” But if a minister’s child misbehaves, the
whole family’s reputation is evaluated.
Many children crumble under this pressure. Mom and dad are busy with
their responsibilities and unaware of the weight their young ones are feeling.
Even if no hurtful words are ever spoken, the child still feels the eyes of the
congregation, accusing or expecting more than the individual can give: each
minister’s child must be an example, even to children that are older. It sounds
unfair, and it is. But that is the life of the minister’s child.

25 What are some higher While some children respond remarkably to such expectations and use them
expectations you have seen to propel themselves to the highest standards of living, others become trapped
people place on a minister’s in the unfairness they perceive. Many ministers’ children grow up determined to
child?
choose any career but the ministry, so their own children will not experience the
heat of the spotlight.
Room to Grow

26 What can you do to help Expectations also limit the ministerial child’s right to mature like other
your children manage life in children. Like others, there are lessons for the minister’s child to learn. Little
the spotlight? Michael must learn not to run in the church. And young Helena, though caught
in the developmental throes of adolescence, must learn not to talk back to her
parents when they give her directions or make requests. Also, there is for every
child the task of learning to speak the truth in all situations and stay away from
what even sounds like unhealthy language. But if someone sees or hears the
minister’s child commit one of these grievous acts, whispers abound.
The minister may even experience criticism for such moments. Other
children who do such things seldom merit any attention. But when the
infraction involves the minister’s child, alarm bells sound and swift action
is demanded by the onlookers. Unfortunately, the minister’s child is seldom
afforded the same understanding other children receive as they learn the lessons
of self-discipline.
Many ministers’ children feel stifled by the life they face, and they cannot
always explain why. Such things are more abstract and the feelings hard to
define, especially when the child is young. If the parents do not address these
feelings, they can morph into deep anger and resentment and surface later in
seemingly inexplicable rebellion.
A minister’s children need room to grow. They need their mistakes to be
viewed as simply that—mistakes. They need to know that when they fail, they
are not offering any more of a commentary on their parents, nor their ministry,
than any other child. They are simply learning and growing like all other young