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The Life of Ministry 89

to be at his or her best for them. It makes sense for them to wait until such time.
Often, some people will even find a solution to their problems while they wait.
Extensive time in any task can bring exhaustion—even if it is one of the
minister’s favorite tasks. Variety in a day’s schedule can energize rather than deplete
the minister. Therefore, following an emotionally challenging time with something
that refreshes can almost be like getting a bit of rest in the middle of the day.
16 What steps can you There is a connection between emotional energy and health habits too.
take to better care for your Ministers who eat wisely and get appropriate amounts of rest have a greater
physical strength? reservoir of daily strength to draw on. Frequent exercise also contributes to
greater emotional strength. A minister would be wise to work with his physician
on a strategy for caring for his physical body so he won’t find his physical
condition working against his need for energy.
Additionally, the effort a minister takes to leave church issues at the church
can refresh and energize the relationship with his or her spouse. By laying aside
overwhelming concerns and focusing on new topics, a minister will gain a surge
of energy and soon find him- or herself looking forward to the end of the day, a
time to let go of stresses and enjoy a whole new world to live in.
Set Boundaries
A congregation can be trained to adopt realistic expectations of the minister
and his or her family. Most ministers face the frustration of having people who
think it is okay for the minister to have time away as long as he is available when
one of them needs him or her. Such expressions are why some ministers can’t
even relax on a family vacation.
Boundaries help build healthy relationships between congregations and
ministerial families. When an individual calls a minister’s home regularly, he
or she should be given boundaries. The minister may have to establish when
or when not to answer the phone, which ultimately teaches the people of the
church to call only at certain times. Much in the same way as training a child, the
minister must be consistent in this discipline and keep reinforcing the boundary.
Cell phones provide uninterrupted access that can be beneficial in
emergencies, but can be problematic at other times. A minister should set
boundaries for this tool as well. For example, a private dinner with his spouse
should be exactly that. The cell phone should be left at home or only answered if
the babysitter is calling.
A ministers should limit how many times he or she will meet with an
individual on an issue in order to avoid unhealthy dependence. Some people
will meet with a minister every day if the minister allows it. The only way to
effectively control this is to limit what you allow. Set boundaries in counseling—
limit the length and the number of sessions.
A minister should also establish rules for assisting the opposite gender.
Boundaries such as never meeting privately with someone of the opposite gender
are healthy fences. Phone calls should be limited also. A minister should bring his
or her spouse into each of these scenarios with no exceptions for the health of the
counselee and the protection of the minister’s marriage.
While ministers must maintain a certain level of availability, they must
also establish the limits of that availability. Boundaries that are communicated
and enforced can be a great means of communicating love to one’s spouse.
Resentment shouldn’t build if your spouse feels like a priority.