Page 90 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

90 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

Target Long-Term Benefit
A healthy marriage bears great fruit for ministry. Ministers who neglect their
marriages in order to fight the daily fires of other people’s lives will end up with
neither an effective ministry nor an effective marriage. Since discipleship is a life-
long journey, it makes sense to pursue those things that have long-lasting benefit.
17 In what way will the A healthy marriage will breed other healthy marriages. As someone has
effectiveness of the ministry wisely said, “Like begats like.” Ministers who neglect their marriage for the work
follow the effectiveness of the of ministry will ultimately find those they lead doing the same thing. Then, the
minister’s marriage? minister will be needed to help fix what he hasn’t fixed in his own life. Such a
dilemma is one of the most stressful aspects of ministry.
A healthy marriage will reflect a healthy model to the church and community.
People will want their marriage to be like the marriage they see in the minister’s
life. This is much healthier than a woman wishing her husband was more like her
pastor. When she wants her marriage to be like the pastor’s marriage, she can see
the teamwork needed and find the minister’s spouse to be her model.
Of course, healthy marriages have a better chance of raising healthy children—
an issue we will discuss in the next section. Suffice to say, we gain numerous
benefits and avoid significant pitfalls when we invest in the health of our marriages.

The Four Crises of Marriage

Previously when we discussed premarital counseling, we considered the four most
common trouble spots a marriage will face. Now, we will apply them to the minister’s
marriage. A minister’s marriage is just like any other marriage. It takes the same
amount of work and must confront the same potential difficulties in order to grow
strong. As we have seen, a minister’s marriage will encounter additional challenges,
but we shouldn’t think that the more basic challenges of marriage will be absent.
Communication

18 Why is good Communication is the core of a vibrant marriage. When two individuals from
communication so difficult in different backgrounds and experiences can come together in understanding and
marriage? mutual benefit, a marriage is deemed successful. But communication is difficult,
and the home of a minister is no different.
To have good communication a minister and spouse must share a sense of
direction. Reaching for the same goals is essential in understanding one another
and accurately interpreting each other’s feelings and responses. When different
goals are pursued, much confusion and frustration will quickly follow.
A shared passion for ministry is essential in a minister’s marriage. While the
minister may take a greater role in the work of ministry, the spouse must share
the same desire and understanding in order for harmony to be maintained. As we
have discussed, the demands on a minister and spouse can be extraordinary. They
can only be balanced by great passion for God’s purposes. Some have seen the
ministry as a career choice and felt the spouse might choose a different career
and, therefore, not be involved. While a spouse may certainly have different gifts
and even a career apart from ministry, lack of involvement in and support for the
ministry will ultimately be catastrophic both to the ministry and the marriage. A
minister and his or her spouse must be able to share the challenges and concerns
of the ministry on a deep level.
Remember that the minister and his or her spouse are looked to for an example
of quality marriage. For this reason, they must prioritize good communication skills.
Communication is hard work, but it is the kind of work a minister must master.