Page 88 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

88 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

days of actual success are a much-needed respite. Furthermore, a minister who
deals with a lonely, resentful spouse at home can develop emotional attachment
to some troubled person who validates, affirms, and appreciates the minister.
Some have said that even the ministry itself can become an adulterer. When
ministers receive key affirmation from the work they do for others, ministers
will seek less affirmation from their spouse. While most ministry marriages do
not experience the trauma of a sexual affair, many battle the pain of emotional
detachment. Physical acts of adultery may not have occurred, but the leader/
spouse seems to have shifted personal focus in a direction other than home. The
work of the minister is ripe with opportunities for emotional infidelity.

Steps to Maintaining a Healthy Marriage

The previous section may have been overwhelming. In fact, you may conclude
that Paul’s suggestion of celibacy may be best. But marriage is a gift designed by
God for our benefit. Effective marriages can greatly enhance ministry efforts. And
since the majority of ministers are or will be married, we must discover how to
keep a marriage healthy amidst the challenges of a life in ministry.

Prioritize Time
For a healthy marriage, a minister must prioritize time—quality time. Such
times must be protected from intrusion whenever possible. Many ministers
choose a day off and try to protect it against everything, except extreme
emergency. This is a good practice and a healthy step in the right direction.
But often a minister will take the day off and spend it in activities apart from
his or her spouse. The idea of a day off simply means a day away from the
congregation, but little has been established for how the day is spent.
15 What strategies will you Modifying the term from day off to family day is useful. This name change
implement to guard the time may help the congregation perceive the day differently; they should be less
your spouse and family need inclined to interrupt if they perceive the minister is doing something other than
from you?
having a day off to do nothing. Furthermore, the modified term will be more
beneficial for the minister and spouse as it gives direction to the day—a day they
spend together.
One day a week is not sufficient though. The minister cannot expect to have
a successful relationship with his or her spouse by simply giving one day of
attention anymore than a person can have an effective relationship with God if
he or she thinks of God only on Sunday. Special times should be reserved—date
nights, dinners at home together, a regularly scheduled lunch appointment or
breakfast together are a few options. The ability to manage time is always tied
up in intentional scheduling. Since few ministers will miss Sunday morning
services, a similar mindset should be held with time for a minister’s marriage.

Reserve Emotional Energy
A minister must be realistic in the expense of emotional energy. Going
home after a long day with nothing left to offer one’s spouse quickly devastates
a marriage. The minister must therefore learn to reserve some energy for the
end of the day. One way is to identify those tasks and situations that are most
emotionally draining and keep them from collecting on the same day. If a
minister finds counseling to be mentally exhausting, and most do, he or she
should avoid multiple appointments on the same day. While some people are
convinced that they cannot wait until the next day, most will expect the minister