Page 98 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

98 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

Parenting Skills

Protection
33 How can overhearing his Of course, it is a parent’s responsibility to protect the children from danger.
or her parents’ difficulties be children should also be protected from other possible intruders.
damaging to a child?
Overheard discussion of frustrations and heartaches in ministry are
announcements that a child will have difficulty processing and responding to
in a healthy manner. This happens all too often. A minister who is careless in
conversations that are held at home often fails to see the damage that he or she
is doing. Parents can count on their children reacting to situations more strongly
than they would choose to react. Children lack the balance of perspective, even
well into their teens. They may know someone was in the wrong, but they are not
allowed to do anything about it; therefore, their emotions may run higher. These
discussion times need to be planned, carefully.
The minister’s child must also be protected from unnecessary information.
Counseling issues and relationship problems are items a minister and spouse
may discuss, but the child should not be a part of the discussion. Again, this is
unnecessary and potentially harmful information for the child.
Finally, the minister must protect his or her child from people’s high
expectations. While people may hold such expectations privately, the minister must
address any individual’s effort to exert that pressure. The minister must demonstrate
understanding of his or her child’s need to grow and learn by not placing those
unfair expectations on the child. A child can typically endure this aspect of life in
the ministry provided he or she knows loving parents are in support.
Patience

34 What steps can you take to It cannot go without saying that acceptance and patience must take the place of
demonstrate patience with the the unrealistic ideals ministry parents can hold up before their children. There are
growth of your own children? times in their perception that parents may rank up there with the congregation’s
strangle of expectations because of the additional and unfair pressure from home. A
minister must understand that his or her child will experience all the same questions,
emotions, and impulses that other children encounter. And the minister must be
prepared for these steps in the journey with consistent and planned parenting.
Patience and understanding yield better results than exerting the pressure of high
expectations. Despite all, parental support is more likely to help the young person
find ways to respond that will not be hurtful to the family as a leadership unit.
In matters of spiritual growth, this patience is also critical. Some ministers
expect their children to be the most spiritual, most intense of the children in the
church. They want them praying in the altars and desire their children to be among
the first to respond to whatever God may be doing in the church. This pressure,
while well intended, is unfair as well. Forcing a child to respond to spiritual things
will often have the opposite result. The child may rebel entirely or learn how to
act the part while never learning to trust a God who seems so demanding.
Planning
A minister must be intentional in parenting strategies to achieve the most
effective growth for the child. Most ministers have access to excellent tools for
helping people grow their own lives. Wise ministers will select some of these
tools to help develop their own families, each according to individual needs.
In a day when the media teach our children sometimes more than we take
time to do, the minister can work to supply other experiences and models that