Page 96 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

96 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

difficulty, but in teaching the child how to face it. When the children’s attitudes
spiral downward, they need to be shown a better way to live—not for the sake of
the minister’s reputation, but for the long-term health of the children.

28 What are some things Often a minister’s child cannot see what there is to appreciate about ministry
a minister’s child can life, for the struggles are all that the child sees and experiences. In a loving
appreciate about the life he or manner, the child needs to be shown the benefits in order to balance these
she has been given?
difficulties. A minister must be careful not to be patronizing in this, but must
lovingly lead the child to attitudes that will enhance his or her life.

The Essentials

Understanding
How can a minister help his or her child with the challenges of the life that
the family has inherited? First is the need for understanding. The children of the
ministry family can occasionally feel somewhat like an afterthought—everyone
else’s needs have been dealt with, surely there could be nothing left for a
child! If the child is unable to express personal concerns because they are too
complicated, the wall becomes even higher.
Though such perception is a child’s defensive way of reasoning, the minister
must understand the potential pitfall that can befall the child when he or she is
thinking this way. When these kinds of difficult issues are anticipated, the parents
can be ready with understanding and help. Tender love and listening ears and hearts
go a long way toward assisting a child in seeing the world more realistically.
When the child is facing some of the hazards of ministry life, the minister should
give understanding by allowing the child to express feelings. Many such children
fail to master these feelings because they are seldom given a place where they can be
safely communicated. It is up to the parent to establish those places.
29 What steps can you take Engaging in frequent conversations about life is another way of setting up
to help your own children feel roadblocks against a child feeling left out or isolated in personal problems.
your understanding and love This is simply being available and building rapport or purposefully giving each
in these difficulties? child alone time with mom or dad. Such times require undivided, uninterrupted
attention. The benefits last throughout the child’s life and the parents’ lives as
well. While the demands of ministry and parenting often conflict, parenting
responsibilities must remain a priority. Consistent nurturing of each member of
the family allows for the balance the minister needs to be faithful with work and
family. Giving one’s child attention and understanding will be the most valuable
gifts a parent will ever offer.
Explanation
30 When should ministers It is a mistake for the minister to assume that his or her children know and
offer explanation, and when understand the things they encounter as a family. For some pastors, the weekly
should they keep their routine may entail visits to the local jail or a call to the scene of an accident and
children from knowing too
much about a situation? other such traumas. The tension and concerns of these kinds of encounters weigh
heavily and come right through the door along with the parents, at the end of
the day. Careful conversations are not enough to completely shield the children
from the unspoken tension and explanations needed. While there are some things
that a child should never experience, not speaking about them will not erase the
experience. Avoidance will only heighten fear. This is talk and listening time
for the ministry family, letting the bond of love and the sense of being included
reinforce each member, especially the children. The children see and trust in the
hand of God rather than fear life’s traumas.