Page 54 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

54 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

stop eating as a way of punishing themselves for their perceived failure. Others
will quit meaningful activities, some of which they may have shared with
the deceased, so as to channel their feelings of guilt into some sort of self-
punishment. For obvious reasons, such actions are unproductive.
Again, patience and understanding are key. Cutting down on activities that
stimulate guilty thoughts is a helpful solution for many. But over time, this guilt
must be released. Helping an individual forgive him- or herself is often more
effective than correcting perceptions one feels are wrong.
Depression

22 Why does the depression The grief stage that typically lasts longest is the depression stage. At this phase,
stage typically last longest? listlessness and a general cloudy outlook overshadow the ability to experience joy.
Occasionally this stage can escalate into self-destructive acts, even suicide. So
while it is a normal part of grief, this phase must be monitored closely.
When depression is attached to a specific event, such as the death of a friend,
the recovery is more probable than experiences of chronic depression. The minister
can assist the depressed in helping them find ways to express love for the deceased
and give them plenty of room to talk about their feelings. Typically, a depressed
person will obsess about the deceased. Listening becomes a gift to the depressed.
Be prepared for the grieving to have difficulty in follow-through at this stage.
The individual will often fail to do things agreed upon because he or she just
does not feel like it. Be patient and find ways to hold the grieving accountable.
Depression carries with it the feeling that every step is like carrying a huge
weight, so lead slowly.
A depressed griever needs people. The more interaction the individual has
with the living, the more opportunity there is to process feelings about the
deceased. Be sure to include the grieving in fellowship activities, which can help
release the mind from depressed thoughts.
Be prepared for this phase to require several months, depending on the
closeness of the relationship with the deceased. Try to steer the individual from
life-changing decisions, as some will gravitate toward anything new to avoid the
feelings associated with the past. New relationships, new jobs, new cities may
feel like a good diversion, but the decision to make a major change may be an
effort to escape the past rather than embrace the future.
Acceptance
After an extended journey through the difficult phases of grief, the light of
acceptance finally begins to emerge. The individual feels increasingly ready to
get on with life. He or she will need assurance that such an attitude is acceptable.
He or she may also need help taking the first few steps.

23 When is it too soon to Some people may move through the stages more rapidly than you think
return to normal life? appropriate, but their speed does not mean they have avoided their feelings. As a
friend, your counsel might be welcomed. In such moments, let your knowledge
of the grief process guide you. If the individual has shown few signs of the
steps, he or she is likely avoiding emotions and may be unable to progress in a
healthy manner. If, however, you have observed the journey and seen evidence of
successful navigation through most of these stages, then the individual may well
be ready to move forward.
Acceptance does not mean the individual will no longer cry at the thought of
the deceased. But when acceptance is reached, the emotions no longer paralyze the
individual, and he or she is able to speak of the deceased in terms similar to others.