Page 52 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

52 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

This maximizes the need to help friends and family understand the potential
good they can do by accepting a role in the future emotional support the grieving
will require. This is a purpose of the memorial service too. Jesus demonstrated
similar support when He directed apostle John to fill His place as Mary’s son.
John even took her into his home to care for her (John 19:26–27).
Simple gestures of love and support should be planned as part of the
memorial service; this comes through the coordinated efforts of the minister.
But the church can play an important role in the extended outreach by providing
meals for the family and continued visits or plans to purposefully include them.
The minister can speak privately to close friends or make a public appeal in
the memorial service for love and supporting friendship for the grieving. If the
appeal yields a response, the grieving process is more rapid for those having the
most difficult time. Loneliness can lead to imbalance in the emotional journey.
Friendship, however, has great potential for comfort.

The Process of Grief
The minister must understand and learn to facilitate the journey of grieving
in order to assist individuals and families with one of life’s most challenging
emotional events. While every experience of grief has common identifiable
stages, each individual’s experience will vary both in expression and duration. It
is not uncommon for the process to require two to three years before full healing
takes place. In addition, the amount of time each individual will require to move
through the various stages will be different in each experience. The minister
should not be surprised when an individual repeats a phase. Grief is a complex
journey, and great latitude should be given to those enduring it.
The five phases most typically involved in the grief process include:
1. Shock and denial
2. Anger
3. Regret and bargaining
4. Depression

5. Acceptance
The success of the minister’s efforts comes in understanding each phase and
how to help during the individual junctures.

Shock and Denial
Rarely is a person fully prepared for the emotional reality of death. Even in
cases where the deceased had suffered for many months, loved ones find the
finality of the moment of death something with which to reckon. In all cases, the
grief process begins with a measure of shock and denial.
As the name implies, this phase is characterized by the stunning news of the
20 How would you approach
helping someone who seeks death and near disbelief at the finality of the news. “I cannot believe he’s gone”
escape from grief by using or “She looked fine to me yesterday” are expressions the minister may hear often.
alcohol or drugs? Other reactions are more extreme, such as shut down of communication, escaping
through drugs or alcohol, or running away, and complete rejection of emotion.
Patience is the minister’s ally in dealing with this phase, just because reactions
are so varied. This phase is one of God’s gifts for helping us absorb the deepest
of pain. In the majority of cases, shock and denial will give way to reality soon
enough. The minister should be patient and available to the grieving. Simply let
grief run its course, under the eyes of friends, family and the spiritual leader.