Page 51 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

The Tasks of Ministry 51

feelings and the inability to fully answer some of death’s most compelling
questions will demonstrate the minister’s genuine interest and concern and may
open many opportunities for future ministry.
Here are some of the questions that a minister should address at a funeral:
• Why do we have to die?
• Will I have to face this day also?
• What can I do to prepare for this day?
• How should death affect how I live?

18 Should a minister present The minister’s role is not to attempt to answer each question, but to make sure the
a difficult question, though it grieving do not avoid the questions they are feeling and to begin the process of finding
may provoke more weeping the answers they need. If the minister does not rush this journey, he or she will often
or sadness? Explain.
be sought out when the grieving are ready to pursue answers to such hard questions.
Saying Goodbye
The key purpose of the memorial service is to bring closure to the reality of
death by saying goodbye to the deceased. While the funeral will likely occur
within a few days of death, making complete closure impossible, most people
discover that the effort to say goodbye becomes the key ingredient to their
ultimate acceptance of the loved one’s death.

19 How might you approach When counseling a grieving family, the minister’s role is to help those
a family who plans not to planning the memorial service to prepare for this final goodbye. Planning that is
notify an estranged son of his done before the key people are available for input can cause deep hurt and serious
father’s death?
rifts in family relationships. Waiting for that readiness is crucial. Families who
have experienced strife may seek to exclude other members, and the minister
may not be able to do anything about it. But, to whatever degree possible, the
minister should encourage inclusion and a focus on their common loss.
Occasionally, a minister will encounter family members who feel emotionally
unable to attend the memorial service. This often happens when an individual has
rarely faced death or has certain unresolved emotional struggles with the deceased
or an inability to manage their own emotional expression. While an individual’s
right to choose must be respected, a little extra effort to encourage the reluctant
can make the difference. The need to say goodbye should not be ignored when
opportunity to do so is presented. This becomes the minister’s emphasis.
Emotional expression and even outburst in a memorial service do not have
to be feared or dreaded. Such expressions may well be necessary for the journey
of healing to begin. Therefore, the minister does not have to rush through the
service to avoid emotional expressions.
While remembering the deceased has emotional value, saying goodbye is
essential. Often, such opportunity is given at the conclusion of the memorial when
people are able to spend a few moments alongside the casket. Other ways include
placing flowers on the casket prior to lowering it into the ground. Other acts of release
can be offered, as long as there remains a comfortable, non-threatening environment.
Moving Forward with Support
The memorial service usually takes place within a few days of death, meaning
the process of grief has only begun. But this is an excellent opportunity for
friends and extended family to rally around those experiencing the deepest loss
and provide emotional support. In a matter of days, however, the crowd will have
thinned considerably, and those in this state might be on their own.