Page 50 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

50 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

The Memorial Service

Purpose of a Funeral
Before a minister directs a funeral or memorial service, he or she must be aware
of the purposes of such an event. Such awareness helps the minister achieve great
effectiveness as he or she walks with the grieving through their emotional journey.
Ignoring even one aspect can delay or prevent important healing.
In this lesson, we will consider four purposes of the memorial service:
1. Remembering a life
2. Facing hard questions
3. Saying goodbye
4. Moving forward with support
The experienced minister understands that none of these purposes can be
accomplished in entirety. Yet, each purpose should find its beginning in the
earliest days of loss. The minister should look for ways to help the grieving move
forward by providing an appropriate memorial service. This is most important.
Remembering a Life

17 What is missing when a A funeral service is often referred to as a memorial service because the focus
minister focuses all effort on is typically placed on the deceased and the memories of his or her life. This is
spiritual issues and fails to make absolutely essential to an effective funeral. A minister may be tempted to think the
much mention of the deceased
in his or her funeral service? pursuit of spiritual issues should take precedence, but failure to adequately focus on
the life of the deceased will doom all efforts to influence those in attendance.
Emphasis on remembering the life of the deceased requires earnest effort on
the part of the minister. Friends and family should be interviewed in order to
get as full a picture of that life as possible. Some may wish to share their own
thoughts, and the minister who facilitates their desires will help them achieve
more rapid healing. But there are times when a family fears their inability to
maintain emotional composure and would rather the minister represent their
memories. This role should be assumed with honor.
A minister will occasionally be asked to perform a funeral service for an
individual he or she has not previously met. This can make the challenge of
personal communication seem difficult, but it is important even in such cases to
investigate and show the life of the deceased on earth.
Thorough preparation always pays off. Some people’s lives preach their own
funeral and the minister should take advantage of that opportunity whenever
possible. Other individuals do not live in a way that reflects honor. In such cases,
the minister should never exaggerate or invent good qualities for the deceased.
Facing Hard Questions
Understandably, death is an enemy most do not want to discuss, even when
they are forced to confront it. But the inherent realities death brings should
not be ignored in the memorial service. Death brings questions and a range of
mixed feelings that exist, whether or not the minister wants to address them. An
effective funeral will acknowledge these questions and offer help in beginning
the journey of facing the answers.
A spiritual leader should never be careless when helping a family confront
hard questions. Disregarding the deep emotion of their loss makes the minister
seem calloused or indifferent to suffering and, therefore, unworthy to influence
the listeners—and those who seem not to be listening. Acknowledging difficult