Page 41 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

The Tasks of Ministry 41

world and will often feel like they are speaking a foreign language when trying to
communicate with their new spouse. Learning how the other thinks, feels, listens,
and reacts is part of learning to communicate. Resources such as The Five Love
Languages by Gary Chapman are excellent tools to help a couple understand
differences and how to overcome them. Preparing couples to communicate
in marriage must also emphasize listening skills. The skillful listener will
communicate more love and affirmation than the most eloquent speaker.
The second essential topic is relationships. Parents, future in-laws, former
boyfriends or girlfriends all bring potential for difficulty to a marriage, since
relationship with all will be different after the marriage. The couple must
understand the singular priority of their marriage and funnel their energies toward
its success. The impact of other relationships should be measured, and strategies
for managing them established. Such strategies must be adopted by both bride and
groom and should facilitate the partnership needed to make their marriage work.
Next is finance. How the couple will manage money must be an agreed upon
strategy. Sadly, many marital conflicts revolve around resources and how they are
used. The minister can help the couple establish spending principles, budgets, and
other agreed upon strategies for facing such challenges. There are many excellent
tools available to assist the couple in establishing and maintaining Christian
principles in financial management. (See Appendix C.)

7 What Scriptural Finally, counseling must address intimacy. The Bible has much to say about
passages would you use the sexual aspects of marriage. First is its exclusive nature. God’s intent for
in speaking to the couple sexual expression is completely limited to the marriage bed. Also, the couple
concerning intimacy?
should understand the selfless intent of their sexuality. Husband and wife
are to give themselves to satisfy one another, not simply to satisfy their own
desire. After the spirit, sexuality is the most powerful aspect of being human.
Unfortunately, it is often the least discussed and most poorly prepared for life
experience. Preparation for marriage must include sound biblical instruction
about all areas of human sexuality. As this area is discussed, past relationships
should be explored so such issues are not destructive at a later time.
While there are more topics or potential issues that may need to be
considered, these four form a core of essential topics a couple must learn to
address throughout their marital life. It is not essential that every issue be solved
prior to marriage, but strategies for solving issues must be established. The
minister can play a key role in helping a couple know how to resolve the conflicts
they will inevitably face.

Summary

From the moment a minister is asked to perform a wedding ceremony, a
multi-faceted responsibility must be undertaken. The minister is much more than
an official or clerk amidst the flowers and candles. The minister is both counselor
and friend; government representative and spiritual leader. He or she should
step into the appropriate role both in organizing a ceremony and performing the
marriage. If a minister takes a careless attitude toward the ceremony, it is likely
that same carelessness will be seen in the continued assistance to that couple.