Page 40 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

40 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

Preparing for Marriage

One of the most essential functions of the minister who will perform a
wedding ceremony is the counseling he or she provides prior to the wedding.

The Process
Counseling requirements vary according to the preferences and capabilities
of ministers. Those who have established counseling as a key component of their
ministries will have more to offer a couple in this area. But even those ministers
who do not engage in counseling ministry should still require some form of
premarital counseling.

5 When should someone While one can look to a more experienced colleague to provide such
other than the minister counseling, it is more beneficial for the minister performing the ceremony to also
performing the ceremony do direct the counseling. This aids in establishing the ongoing relationship with the
the premarital counseling?
couple. Exceptions should be made when the minister performing the ceremony
is not qualified to provide the counseling or may be a family member or friend
and wishes for an additional perspective to be given to the couple. The minister
should seek professional counseling assistance if one or both individuals present
unique psychological issues that may affect preparation for married life.
6 Take time to visit a Though requirements will vary, at least two counseling sessions need to be
Christian bookstore and review scheduled. Multiple sessions are preferred so concerns identified at the first
the premarital counseling session can be effectively addressed during the second. Between sessions, the
resources available.
couple should be given items for their own discussion and preparation. This
could include surveys, worksheets, tests, and other tools available in many
premarital preparation resources. Appendix C lists several premarital counseling
resources. The minister works to lay a foundation upon which the couple can
continue to grow in their communication and relating to one another through
the years of their marriage. These limited counseling experiences are crucial for
this preparation for soon all exchange will be dominated by discussions of the
wedding plans. Failure to prepare the couple for the unique dynamics of marriage
may produce unpleasant and unnecessary challenges for them in the years
following the ceremony.
The Content
There are numerous sources for guidance in premarital counseling, including
manuals for the couple, training guides for the minister, video and audio
recordings, workbooks, and online resources. The minister should familiarize
him- or herself with many of these sources and select an approach that will
maximize the experience for each couple. This is easily done by visiting a
Christian bookstore and browsing the sections dedicated to counseling, marriage,
and relationships. Online searches will also yield a number of excellent sources
that can be helpful to the discerning minister.
The sources a minister selects will offer a list of topics. He or she may choose
to assign reading that will prepare the couple for the subsequent session. Some
marriage preparation resources provide survey tools that help the couple identify
areas of potential conflict or compatibility. These and other similar worksheets
are beneficial to the counseling experience. Counseling time is maximized when
attention can be focused on issues identified prior to a session. But regardless of
the approach, there are four definite topics to address.
First among these is communication. The joining of two independent lives is no
easy task, and the ability to communicate involves much more than speaking the
same language. A couple quickly will discover that they have entered a different