Page 38 - BMIN191 Beginnning Internship

38 Beginning Ministerial Internship: Student Manual

The Vows
The wedding vow is intended as a personal expression of each person’s
commitment to marriage. As such, the vows can vary with each wedding. Some
couples will choose traditional vows, preferring the words they have heard before
by family members or friends. Other couples will wish to present their own written
vows, making the moment more of a personal reflection. The minister should view
either approach as acceptable, provided a few key elements are included.
First, vows should reference the depth of the commitment. This is a
relationship established and maintained by love. Vows should reflect the promise
to care for each other in a self-sacrificing fashion. Traditional vows speak of
“sickness and health” and other polar circumstances that illustrate the full
commitment of the marriage.
Second, vows should reference the exclusionary nature of the commitment.
Marriage is a relationship upon which no other relationship can intrude.
Again, traditional vows state, “forsaking all others” as a demonstration of the
exclusionary nature of the relationship.
Finally, vows should include a statement of the duration of the commitment.
Biblically, marriage is intended as a life-long commitment, and the vows should
speak to such duration. Premarital discussions with the couple should address
this point, explaining the significance of such a statement to each other, before
the gathered assembly and most of all before God, whose help both will need to
fulfill the commitment. A minister should beware of participation in a ceremony
where such verbal intent is avoided.
3 What three things should It is standard for vows of various levels of commitment to be spoken or
vows clearly communicate? repeated by the couple, though they can be affirmed by as simple a statement
as the declaration, “Yes,” or “I do/I will.” Various cultures approach vows in
different ways and the minister should remain flexible, provided the essential
commitments are in place.
The Symbols
4 What does the exchange In the western world, the most common symbolic act included in a wedding
of rings symbolize about ceremony is the exchange of rings. The ring represents the evidence that an
marriage? individual is married, an outward symbol intended to be worn at all times. Some
couples may choose to symbolize their commitment in other ways, but the wedding
ring is the most common. In a traditional ceremony, the exchange of rings is often
accompanied by words that express the heart of the one giving the ring. (In Appendix
A, you will find samples of what is said when this part of the ceremony is done.)
Weddings often include other symbols as well. The unity candle is often lit to
demonstrate the joining of two individuals into one. In this part of the ceremony,
two previously lit candles are used to simultaneously light a central candle. The
bride and groom are the ones who light the candle.
Holy Communion is a means chosen by many couples to reflect their relationship
with God. Because of what this act represents, Holy Communion should be included
in the ceremony, only if the two actually have an active relationship with the Lord.
Again, a minister should see why premarital counseling is so important. The vertical
relationship each of them have with God, first, is foundational to the success of the
horizontal relationship that the wedding is to initiate. The premarital counseling time
is the forum to address this all-important subject.
Numerous other symbols are incorporated into a wedding ceremony,
depending on the creativity of the couple or dictates of their culture. Some